Movie Snob Anonymous

I was reading one of my new favorite blogs by Aliya King yesterday about the new Tyler Perry movie "Madea Goes to Jail". I cringed when I read it (ironically while watching "A Family That Preys") because I knew I was going to see it today. My other gig includes taking impressionable young women out to a movie that's "safe" to see from time to time. They begged to see Madea, and against my better movie judgement, today I found myself standing in a curling line of fans waiting for tickets.

I should have known I was going to be in the company of serious TP fans based on snippets of conversation I overheard standing in line. The five year old sporting fresh Tims while sucking his pacifier was nothing compared to the adult TP fans in line.

"You know I heard he is a cross dresser and invented Madea from that."

"Why Madea breast always flying around?"

"Ooh I hope Mr. Brown is in this one. He is so funny." (He is funny--for about 2 minutes)

"I saw the bootleg on 52nd Street yesterday, but I decided to give a nigga my money today and take my son out." (son with pacifier)

Once the lights went down I tried to psych myself up. Get your mind right girl. You can do this. It will be over in two hours and you can get on with your life.

Sapphire's book turned movie "Push" was a good trailer. Oh, Vin Diesel is still fast and furious? The recession is touching everyone I see. Something about spirits living in a house with a family people who find out evil wants to claim one of them but they don't move out. Riiiiiiight.

Did this lady just give her daughter a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an extra large HUG juice out of her purse? Yup.

The movie starts.

Fast forward one hour and forty three minutes.

The movie ends.

You already know how it went without seeing a thing. Madea cuts up, problems were presented, Madea cuts up, subliminal sermon mid way through, errors of ones ways are revealed, lost love gets found, evil person gets theirs, Madea cuts up one last time, the end. Oh yeah, and Rudy Huxtable is a heroin addicted prostitute. How's that for evil subplot?

If I could say anything to TP, I'd have only five words to say. Take it to another level.

I don't know, maybe I'm a movie snob. I like my films indy and my dialogue crisp. I actually don't mind thinking when I watch a movie. I like intelligent humor too. A harsh critic if you will. I pre-screen most movies without seeing a trailer. Extensive research on films is done prior to release. Any Sundance/Tribeca Film Festival/Cannes buzz? Who's in it? What's it about? Who wrote it? Directed & Written by? All these elements need to combine perfectly for me to plop down my frequent movie club card and ticket money.

What type of movie goer are you? Speak your mind...

Thank You Television

Last week I went to a taping in New York that VH1's Soul Stage series was having for India.Arie. I did a review of the show here, but while standing in line for two hours waiting to get in, my mind took a few laps on the meaningless deep end. Sometimes to avoid getting bored (annoyed?) when I'm waiting on line, my mind takes a trip, temporarily.

I admit that I'd always suspected casting agencies filled audiences at these types of shows with people who fit a particular demographic that record labels, sponsors, and those who don't take too kindly to seeing any ugmos* on the telly will find appealing. Of course these groups also include the perfect shades of an ever growing minority spectrum, with a few of the majority mixed in for good measure.

My guests and I arrived on time for the 6:15 call time. When we got there a smiling face with a clipboard greeted me at the door. He asked my name, gave us the quick up and down, (eyes only, still smiling) and pointed us toward the line. We were posted mid way in the line and waited for it to start moving. After an hour, we seemed to be on our way. Au contraire. People who were once behind us suddenly disappeared. People who were just arriving, moved right through. As more folks with clipboards appeared, the line kept creeping forward. There seemed to be a formula to moving forward. A clipboard approaches. Quick conversation. Disappear. Hmmm.

Once we finally got into our seats, my suspicions were confirmed. The Beautiful Ones were seated in front of the stage. You know, that section where the camera would skim enthusiastic, audience pleasing faces. My mind did a Psych and took me back to some of the faces I'd scanned in line. Was that the cute natural haired couple I'd seen who were all on their boo lovin' vibe in line? Yup. I see you trendy Asian punk rocky looking pair with the untamed tresses in the fourth row. Center. The Midnight Oil looking bald white guy? Check. The woman with the mushroom hair do, fur jacket, who went #2 and tried to dip out the ladies room without eye contact? First row. Behind the camera. Sorry.

Once the camera's started rolling, and after our applause was taped a few times, looks didn't really matter much. The Beautiful One's did not disappoint. The represented as hard as the rest of the crowd, if not more. After all, viewers deserve to see enthusiastic, non-stereotypical attractive visuals paired with their entertainment, right? Any other way wouldn't be Obama. Thank you television.

By the way, India was fantastic. Something about her voice makes me think about hot biscuits. Hot biscuits with butter that's been sitting out, melting so perfectly, delicious when digested. She is NOT her hair, she is the soul that lives within.

*ugmo (ug-moe) An unattractive male or female.

I've Been Twittered

I finally decided to get on Twitter. You'll be able to get into my world better, stronger, faster. If you want to find me on it, search me out--tlawrites. If you are already on, follow me and I'll follow you too.

I caught "The Wrestler" over the weekend. It was good. Sad, but good. Mickey Rourke was all over that role. It was life kinda sorta--switch out wrestling for acting.

Thursday I'll be going to NYC for a taping fof VH1's Soul Series with India Arie. Should be good. Her new disc drops in two weeks. Or a week? I'm sure I'll Twit from there.

Anyone else see this today?